Thank You for Feeling Loved

It doesn’t matter how much we are loved or who loves us, if we don’t feel loved.

We don’t always feel lovable.

We may have our moments of low self esteem and lack of confidence in our worthiness.

These moments may pass, or they may culminate into a full blown attitude about ourselves and our place in the world.

This attitude, if it becomes permanent, is more dangerous to our emotional well being than any other.

It can make us behave in strange ways, and it can become a self fulfilling prophesy of sorts.

A person who does not believe they are lovable may unconsciously try to convince others that it is true.

Feeling unlovable can prevent us from loving others as well.

It takes a lot of energy away from us and can dominate our focal point.

There are so many factors involved in this feeling; things we experienced as a child, rejection toward an endeavor, lack of needed validation for our efforts, and comparing ourselves to others who have completely different circumstances than us.

Most of these things do not represent who we really are, they are just random circumstances that we respond to accordingly.

The difference between being loved and feeling loved lies in our ability to grasp a complete picture and separate circumstance from self.

This can be difficult.

I find that I feel most loved when I am directing my energy into loving others.

There is no way to hug another without opening one’s arms to receive a hug in return.

Thank You for The Soul Survivor

The term Survivor Guilt was established in the 60’s to describe a reaction by those who witnessed terrible events where others were traumatized or killed.

Sole survivors of disasters, mass suffering, and terrible events, can be so effected by the suffering and loss of others that they find their own survival unbearable and develop anxiety and depression symptoms.

Survivor Guilt lost recognition as a bona fide mental disorder when the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) was published.

The term was usurped by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

As human beings, we are effected by the suffering of others—unless we are one of the unfortunate broken people who experience no empathy.

It is in our nature as a species.

But unlike the myth of the Lemmings, who are believed to commit mass suicide when their territories become over populated, we do not follow our fellow humans into death or suffering.

That is not in our nature.

We are wired to survive by whatever means is required.

By the way, so are Lemmings.

They are actually trying to swim to survival when they reach cliffs and jump into the water.

They are compelled to do this for survival, not mass suicide.

The myths, folk lore, and metaphors have omitted some of the details of Lemming behavior.

Like Lemmings, humans are compelled to survive.

The only exception is when our wiring gets tangled up, either by external stimuli, mythological heroics, or distorted internal dialogue.

So what can we do with all those complex feelings we experience when we see so many people around us suffering?

You know, that feeling when your coworkers are getting laid off and you get to keep your job?

That discomfort when someone loses a loved one and your family is in tact and healthy?

That awful feeling in your stomach when you read about genocides, famines, disasters, and tragedies that happen to other human beings?

What do we do about the shame of having so much when so many have so little?

We are constantly confronted with the suffering of others these days.  From the homeless pan handler on our way to work, to the tear jerking photos on the television imploring us to Save the Children, the suffering of others permeates our lives.

I think that feeling powerless contributes to survivor guilt.

I think if we look deep into ourselves, to the Soul of who we are and realize that we are lemmings, (in the true sense) compelled to survive, that we are not powerless, just wired by nature to avoid suffering, we can also recognize the opportunities to alleviate some of the suffering of our fellow humans.

One of the ways that people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Survival Guilt cope with their circumstance is to assist others in getting through their own traumas.

That is one way to put a soul into survivor.

Thank You for Love and Memorex

Is it Love, or is it Memorex?

I think if a person takes the time to get through all the different stages of love without abandoning the endeavor, that amazing things can happen.

I also believe that once you have loved a person, you can never unlove them.

The initial experience of love may transform into other types and stages of love, but you can never take it back, or put it back into the original packaging the way you discovered it.

It’s astounding, the way time and love work so well together to metamorph into something one could not have imagined— if you let them.

My favorite kind of love—aside from the love of humanity— is that kind that has lasted over decades, gone through transformations, seen everyone at their worst and continued along the bumpy road to the comfort of balance and loyalty, many years later.

It’s hard to come by, because it takes years to develop.

In this culture of immediate gratification and fantasy romance perspectives, we often give up when things don’t flow as smoothly as they do in the movies.

We are quick to move on, looking for other fish in the sea, or we try to capture the spark in some other match, instead of nurturing the initial flame of the one in our own hand.

I think this may have something to do with the way we address conflict in our lives.

We seem to think conflict is a bad thing, something to be avoided, or to flee from.

Love is loaded with conflict.

But these conflicts are magical opportunities that teach us so much about ourselves through the eyes of another.

Love is not limited to romantic partnering, child parent relationships, or siblings.

Love is also something that blesses friendships and other kinds of human interaction.

If we take all the stages of love and apply it to every kind of human relationship, I think we could experience many of our interactions with a little more understanding and perhaps a different perspective about what we are cultivating with our fellow human beings.

I think we could apply these stages to friendships, work relationships, casual community encounters, and all manner of communications, even a single conversation.

(1) mutual attraction, commonalities,

(2) romance, idealism, or effort toward the highest part of ourselves

(3) passion, intense agreement, personal connection

(4) intimacy, trust, acceptance, and acknowledgment of flaws, balanced by keeping the highest qualities in mind

(5) commitment, loyalty, and the intention to cultivate understanding without withdrawing during the conflicts or giving up when the two sides of an interaction do not look identical.

Yeah, I think maybe if I live my whole life like it’s one long love relationship, that maybe in the end I may discover that it was the real thing, not just Memorex.

Thank You for Balancing the Left Hand and the Right Hand

The left hand receives as the right hand gives.

There is a mysterious flow of give and take that passes through us and seeks balance. 

If you balance that give and take, you will not be lacking gifts or the capacity to give to others. -Iscedit (pronounced: I said it )

It’s difficult to receive a gift when both your hands are full and clenched.

Sometimes we hold on so tightly to things we don’t even use that our hands are not available to receive the things we truly desire or need.

How many of us stash things in attics, garages, basements, and other places we rarely visit? How many people do you know who rent storage units for their superflua and don’t even remember what they put in the thing?

I believe that holding on to a lot of clutter, broken things which we intended to fix last year, clothing that will never fit again, or other various stuff we never use, prevents us from getting what we need.

Some folks even hold on to relationships and situations as well as things that do not serve to create joy in their environments. This takes up precious space that could be used more efficiently for what we need in our lives.

Most of my life, I have received what I needed (albeit sometimes in the nick of time) and I try to facilitate that flow by giving away and letting go of the things I don’t need to make room and keep my hands available.

One of my rules is:

If I haven’t used it, touched it, or seen it for four seasons (one year) it does not belong to me anymore.

This rule is especially good with clothing.

There are women’s shelters, consignment shops, and friends that will gladly help you recycle and make room for clothes that fit to come into your life.

I think recycling is about more than soda cans and plastic bags.

It’s also a good practice for anything in our lives that can be transformed into something we need while fulfilling the need of another.

I like to recycle smiles.

It’s amazing how far one smile will go if you keep recycling it and others do the same.

If you keep giving it away, another one will keep coming into your life when you need it.

So… if you have a need in your life, give something away to make room for it!

Thank You for Complaining

Have you ever noticed that the things we complain about are often things we will never do anything about or they are things we will continue doing even as we are complaining about them?

I never complain about a major crisis.

A major crisis does not afford me spare minutes for the act of complaining.

However, I do complain about having to do the laundry. There’s plenty of time during the rinse cycle to whine… “I hate laundry.”

If I’m complaining about something, it usually means there’s no big trauma going on.

Sometimes I just complain aloud to no one in particular while I am getting something done. I mumble “Where did I put that screw driver? Why do they make these things so complicated to put together? Who invented this damn packaging anyway?”

My cat remains silent while I practice the fine art of complaining.

Complaining does not prohibit me from finishing something. Complaining does not stop me from doing the very thing I’m complaining about. If I say “I don’t want to go …” it usually means I am on my way there.

I have not seen a Complaint Department at a major department store in a long time. I think they did away with them in the sixties. If nobody listens to a complaint, it doesn’t take as much time.

If a complaint fell in the woods, would anybody hear it?

Complaining and whining is probably some kind of adrenaline enhancer that gives us the energy to complete a mundane task that would otherwise be far too boring to get through.

Yeah, complaining adds spice to life. It’s right up there with whistling while you work.

Complaining is a sure sign that we are doing okay and we do not need our concentration skills for a real problem.

My mother used to say “Quit whining or I’ll give you something to whine about.”

Thanks for “Occupying” My Disillusionment—For a Moment

 

When I discovered that Occupy Wall Street had assembled in Zucotti Park in September of 2011, my heart swelled with renewed respect for America.

My mind raced to devour any information about the movement.

I thought Finally! The people have had enough! They are crawling out of their cubicles, turning off the propaganda machine, waking up from the consumer stupor, and realizing we have been economical hostages to a cognizant dissonance that is unmatched by anything in history.

I searched, I Googled, I Facebooked.

I went into the street of my hometown to stand in solidarity in front of Bank of America with a few people who would join me in holding up signs to spread the awakening.

I found a Facebook site, initiated by a local couple, contributing to the multitude of similar sites that were popping up exponentially, representing towns and cities all over the country—and gradually, the world. The site promoted information and called to unify local protesters.

I was intoxicated with hope and ecstatic at the possibilities of retrieving our democracy from the jaws of financial saboteurs, political sociopaths, and megalomaniac corporations.

I truly believed we had awakened from our sleep of insidious oppression and complacency to take back our freedom.

Yeah, that was a great moment.

Then the adrenaline, the motivation, and the optimism became fodder to a new social system with which I had no experience—the General Assembly.

The GA seemed like a great idea to communicate democratically and allow everyone an opportunity to be heard. I assumed it was akin to the United Nations General Assembly wherein all had equal representation.

The GA meetings in my town became the true revelation to me in regard to what “Occupied” really looked like.

People were kept occupied by the structure itself. The process became the new oppressor with redundant hand gesture education, blathering over who should be a facilitator, and disruptive reprimands toward those who had a difficult time adjusting to this legitimized surrogate for authentic communication.

I watched many people giving up in lieu of speaking up.

The exasperation at trying to make an inquiry or a point became too much effort for anyone who was not savvy at social conformity.

The General Assembly in my town fell prey to those who had experience at proselytizing and maneuvering social structures with adamant personal agendas.

It became a Specific Assembly with no general population.

I quit occupying my time with the General Assembly but continued supporting the encampment of protesters who had established themselves at the local park. I took coffee when I could. I donated items; tent, tarps, sleeping bags, signs and materials. I visited the camp and watched the streamed GA’s on the Internet to show my support and learn. But gradually I became less motivated by what I was seeing and hearing there.

Also what I was reading on the web page designated toward community involvement in our local chapter of the Occupy Movement became a point of contention between personal agendas and cooperative ideals.

It seemed that a handful of people who rode in under the banner of the occupy movement became transparent in their need to claim territory and notoriety for their personal causes at the expense of fracturing the bigger ideal of the community.

I observed petty disagreements rising to the surface to crumble the movement into curds of spoiled individual goals. I watched as the main community withdrew from the shrinking group that held meetings, claimed self-righteous suffrages, and adhered to their own vision of what the movement was about with little tolerance for other views or methodology.

I continue to write to representatives, hold sacred the power of the masses, boycott big banks, and oppose legislation that undermines our freedom while serving a corporatocracy.

I have moved my money to a local credit union, and moved my body into a new occupation of my time.

 

 

Thank You for Divine Unknown Statistics

Divination: noun

The practice of seeking knowledge of the future or the unknown by supernatural means.

Folks love to explore their future and learn about themselves through various forms of card, chart, stone, body, and  psychic readings with mystic interpretations.

We love to know the unknown.

But here are a few ironic facts that Psychics will not tell you unless you specifically request statistics…

People that report out of body experiences and detachment from their physical bodies do not spend less on groceries, clothing, and other tangibles.

Economic growth impact for out of body experiences =0%

Walking the Astral plane is not like Walkin’ in Memphis. One’s feet are generally more than ten feet off the ground in the former and there are no guitars.

Odds of writing a pop country tune from the Astral Plane =0%

Odds of seeing the ghost of Elvis there: 50%

You can not see germs, microbes, or the inner activities of a colon under a Horoscope.

Medical research contributions from the invention of the Horoscope =0 %

Oracles and Mediums can’t channel spirits with laryngitis.

The odds of a spirit guide getting bronchitis correlates directly to the number of germs seen under a Horoscope— 0%.

Statistically, when a palm reader tells you that you are going to experience financial losses, she is always right.

Paying her fee proves her prophecy — 100%

Statistics for Past Life Readers telling you that you were an insignificant slob in history, instead of an Egyptian Princess = 8.7%.

I did not have to research any of these statistics.

They came to me in a dream.