Thank you for Roaring Vulnerability

There are events that can send us spiraling, without warning, back into psychological places we thought we escaped— burning buildings of anger, fantasy filled corridors of magical thinking, and self guarding mythology that no longer serves us.

The genuine affection of others can slay terrible demons we meet in those places, during such events.

Kind words can dispel ghosts which haunt the silent aloneness in a heart, defended against perceived injury from the outside world.

We learn to survive emotionally with the tools we inherit.

Sometimes those tools are broken or inadequate for the task.

Often we do not realize the tools are broken until an event or random circumstance commands action.

I am keenly aware of the limitations of my inherited tools.

I am also conscious and extremely grateful for the people who offer alternatives to my scant tool bag and support me with affection, trustworthiness, and honest feedback when I need it.

They are the dispellers of my ghosts and co-slayers of my demons—they help me climb out of burning buildings when my own ladder catches fire.

I am not easy to love.

I can be moody, aloof, and sometimes I retreat from personal questions that involve emotional discomfort for me. I may seem selfish in these instances, and I am.

I prefer to be seen in a positive light and work diligently at protecting the world around me from my own fears and the dark places I can visit.

This is one of my myths— I am just that impervious to negative thinking.

It can be as transparent to those who love me as a chiffon curtain over a broken window.

Yet they love me anyway.

There are those who risk kindness and offer their own vulnerabilities as evidence that I can do the same without fear of emotional injury.

Sometimes I am not so funny. Sometimes I am not so strong or enlightened. Sometimes I have nothing to share and sometimes I resist allowing others to share with me.

But make no mistake, I am thankful, always, for those who continue to offer new tools and are patient with my clumsy attempts at trying them.

Thank you for all the kindness and comfort that allows me to say;

I am vulnerable, hear me roar.


~ by leakelley on November 25, 2015.

9 Responses to “Thank you for Roaring Vulnerability”

  1. We are all vulnerable.
    We can’t always be positive even though we try to be.
    We can be thankful for those who understand…and who care. 🙂

  2. Love knows no bound.

  3. A comment about oneself as virtuous as the one written above is as rare as a golden egg.

    But having discovered I am neither all powerful nor everlasting, what more must I learn?

    Well, I must relearn something that I once knew. I need cooperation & assistance from both those who like me & those who do not. Aw shucks, I need help from everyone who offers it, including people I never saw before & even my enemies, should they offer it. I must sheath my silly Big Adult sword of self-reliance & once again accept the breast of kindness with the joy & happiness of a little child, thereby also rendering unto that blessed giver the very bliss of life.

    I got where we are together, not separately. And so we’ll get to the next place along our way. That’s not a law just for me, but for thee & all the rest of us. We all got here from the Free Meal Crib, followed by years of Free Lunches, breakfasts & dinners, & Free Care, Free Everything & Free Love. And when we need a bailout after being cast out of Eden – that is, graduating into adulthood where we try to create new Edens – the only truly human, sweet & productive thing to do is Take the Joy, because that’s the way to share it & get to where it may be given back.

    “I am vulnerable, hear me roar,” we cry out while holding hands, sharing ourselves, our goodness, our moment on this earth, our wealth whatever it may be & our wooden or porcelain bowls.

  4. This is the side of Lea I love best. Bravery is being scared but doing what needs to be done anyway. It’s exhausting sometimes, especially when we look back.

    It not that hard to see the good in you Lea, and for me, it shines the brightest when I see your dragons…and any assistance I can offer while you kick the shit out of them is my pleasure.

  5. Wonderful post.. Truly wonderful..

  6. I agree, beautifully written and powerful. Beautiful & Powerful, sounds like LeaKelley to me.

  7. I am so continuously in awe of the way you express feelings, emotions, thoughts, actions in such beautiful and moving ways. It’s only leaving yourself vulnerable that could produce such amazing words.

  8. So beautifully articulated… strength in our shared vulnerability. Thank you!

  9. My God – I love you, Lea. And your very special brain.

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