Thank You for Avoiding Omniscient and Powerless Succubi

There are those who know everything and use the rest of us like a verbal trash can without a clue about recycling or reciprocal interactions.

They are the ones among us who seem to think that other people are just props and extras in the movie about THEM.

On that line between givers and takers, they stand with an open satchel to be filled with accolades while they hold the gun of erudite sagaciousness to our heads.

I call these folks Succubi (pronounced suck-you-bye)

In mythology, a succubus is a demon that pretends to be a charming person so they can seduce the bejeezus out of an unwary virtuous person.

Modern day Succubi come in many forms, all of them designed to fill bottomless satchels under the guise of handing out gifts of wisdom and favors to those in need of profound salvation from self and unnamed ignorance.

Now there are two approaches that a succubi may use. Some—the arrogant ones that I previously mentioned use the “I know things you can not” approach. But there is another form of Succubi. They are the ones that I call the Victim Succubi. These folks use the “I have problems you can’t possibly have” approach.

The Victim Succubi will play on your compassion and are actually more dangerous than the Arrogant Succubi.

They are both energy vampires that never get full, no matter how much of your precious time and attention they consume.

You can not have an authentic conversation with the succubi. It is very dangerous to believe you are actually communicating with them. They are talking to you for only one purpose and it has nothing to do with you.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE ARROGANT SUCCUBI:

They have no ears (They don’t need them because there is nothing that would compel them to listen to anyone. But if there is a compliment for them involved, they just assimilate that through presumptuous osmosis)

They have loud voices that dominate a room, an entire sidewalk, a grocery store line, or an office building.

Any question they ask is rhetorical and their verbiage is littered with statements like I know this because I am…  and  I am  here to tell you… and That’s just how I am  and  I am and I am and I am and I am… (you may misinterpret the last statements if they are strung together, you may think the succubus is revealing that (s)he is a “Yam”.

After they leave you with their gifted opinion, you feel like somebody just stole your soul through the back of your neck (this sometimes makes your neck ache and gives you a headache)

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE VICTIM SUCCUBI:

They start every conversation with something about how terrible life has been to them and how misunderstood they feel.

Any question they ask is rhetorical and their verbiage is littered with statements like I’m in this situation because he/she/they did such and such to me. 

After they leave you with their tales of woe (which generally cannot be assuaged by anything or anyone), you feel like somebody just stole your soul through the back of your neck (this sometimes makes your neck ache and gives you a headache)

HOW TO AVOID THE SUCCUBI:

Aside from carrying a giant clove of garlic, there is little you can do until it is too late and you already have a headache but you can try these things;

Don’t make eye contact with anyone who has been staring at themselves in a store window or looking at others with blame in their eyes.

Never lend your ear to someone that doesn’t have their own ears

And never ever take candy from someone carrying a conspicuous satchel that seems to be perpetually empty.

succubi

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~ by leakelley on August 26, 2013.

One Response to “Thank You for Avoiding Omniscient and Powerless Succubi”

  1. Reblogged this on LEA KELLEY SAYING THANK YOU FOR….

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