Thank You for Single, Yet Significant

Single people think different than others (you know, significant others).

We’re like Kraft singles—all individually wrapped, some of us wrapped a little too tight, some of us stuck to the previous slice, and some of us melted from being out in the heat too long.

Then there are the singles who accidentally got left in the fridge beyond their expiration date and they may never find their place in a sandwich. (But if they do, there will have to be condiments involved.)

As a Single, I have been in a few sandwiches but I keep forgetting to take the individual wrapper off. This makes biting into a relationship awkward.

Okay, enough with the cheesy analogy.

There are at least two types of single people.

The ones who are perfectly content with aloneness and the ones that never stop looking for another single who will make them feel significant.

Note: One can be both of these at the same time but it gets complicated.

Actually, let’s go back to the cheesy analogy.

Single people as cheese:

BRIE: These singles like their own house, but they are mellow enough to adapt to another environment without dominating.

BLEU CHEESE: Mostly singles with poor hygiene. These folks prefer to sit around in sweats, watching football or soap operas. They are okay for one or two dates but they would make a flimsy sandwich with a bad aftertaste.

SHARP CHEDDAR: Singles who find something wrong with everything their potential mate does. They work well in a sandwich if it is loaded with lettuce.

SWISS: There is usually a hole in their philosophy about marriage but they can be accommodating in relationships with other swiss slices if they are overlapped enough to cover one another’s holes.

FONDUE: These single people are so noncommittal that they cannot have a relationship unless they are stabilized in a cooling down period.

PARMESAN: These are tough single people that like living alone but they are amenable to sharing parts of themselves if a potential mate is willing to put some work into it and settle for shavings.

STILTON: These folks have everything they need and must stand on their own without the influence of others. They are usually workaholics who don’t have time for a relationship anyway.

I could go on but you get my point.

Some folks are significant on their own. And some folks need to be part of a sandwich to be at their best.


~ by leakelley on August 19, 2008.

6 Responses to “Thank You for Single, Yet Significant”

  1. hmmmm…think I’m somewhere between BRIE, PARMESAN and STILTON. 🙂
    Would love to see a complete list of cheeses and the attributes they represent…
    My opinion on one cheese though:
    LIMBURGER – I would hate to meet a limburger…thats got to be another personal hygiene issue…. 🙂

  2. I am Feta cheese, in that I am a brined curd blockheaded son of a goat LOL 😀 (I jest, of course)

  3. I awoke to discover upon reading this cheesy blog that the night before I had a true dream. I dreamed I was a small, expensive, delicious pear of imported provolone dolce – you know, the sweet kind found only in the best ristorantes & delis, created by artisans to go with other delicacies & make them ever so much better. Being an enhancement is better than being a lonely dud. I was so happy about this that even though dead asleep, I wanted to lick myself. Suddenly – as occurs in dreams & true stories such as this – conditions changed. A horrible chop bearded Englishman in riding suit butted into my mind, demanding provolone with his bulbous breakfast of sawdust sausages. Spontaneously, without thought or intention, I turned into limburger, & threw myself onto his steaming sausages, causing him to drop them & flee, coughing & gagging, as though he were a hapless soldier being attacked by German phosgene gas. Oh yes, my dears – like revenge, limburger sits well enough on the palate of the one enjoying it. But falling was quite another matter, for if one should fall it must not be while riding an English sausage. The manner in which such sausages crumble into a nearly infinite number of yellowish bits might deprive one’s cheese of any hope of ever being put back together again. Hence, self-preservation being all that matters to any cheese in its right odor, I again spontaneously changed, this time into a lovely tiny glass jar painted with pretty flowers filled with pimiento cheese, ready for resting between two nice slices of white Wonder Bread, or stuffing a pitted green olive.

  4. I’m lactose intolerant! Now, I’m really screwed!

  5. I used to be a SHARP CHEDDAR, am now a PARMESAN, hope never become a STILTON. 🙂

  6. I always knew I was cheesy. I’m glad you said it first.

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