Thank You for Blasphemy, Religion, and Cheese

Anyone who knows me, knows I am devoted to cheese.

I even wrote a song once called Cheese is Christ. (say it out loud)

You won’t find a church choir singing it. The song was rejected by Hymnal manufacturers.

It was not my intention to commit blasphemy around the Big Cheese of anyone else’s religion, the song just poured out of my soul one day in a moment of leviathan hunger.

Cheese is my religion. Cheese enhances my life, guides my hand over pasta, leads me to still waters, and keeps a semi-vegetarian’s soul from wilting. If I get spaced out, a piece of cheese can bring me to my senses.

There are a lot of cheesy religions out there. People rarely talk about it.

In the book, A Canticle for Leibowitz, an entire religion was built around a grocery list.  

I bet cheese was on that list—written in Latin, sanctus caseus.

There are churches built, Saints named, and laws misconstrued by some very well intentioned folks who find historic artifacts and spread them around like ephemeral Cheez Whiz.

I prefer real cheese.

Even though cheese takes my money, like other religions, it gives me something tangible back—protien.

Cheese does not make demands, instill shame, manipulate fear, judge other foods, or need a temple to age in. Cheese does not stick to politics.

It’s a religion that keeps on giving. I feel so sorry for lactose intolerant folks. They have a rough afterlife ahead of them. I wish I could save them.

Cheese is good, Cheese is great

Thank you for the cheese I ate

from the golden offering plate. 

Amen

CheesyJesus

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~ by leakelley on October 4, 2013.

7 Responses to “Thank You for Blasphemy, Religion, and Cheese”

  1. Whenever I hear someone singing the praises of cheese, glorious cheese, I’m always reminded of Wallace and Gromit whose love of cheese knew no bounds…. 🙂

  2. HAHA I am also a cheese lover and this is GREAT.

  3. CHEESE IS CHRIST! I am saved – especially when I eat asiago. cheers,t

  4. I love cheese!! REAL cheese! There is a pizza place in my area that I have been to before and the staff wore t-shirts that said “you have a friend in cheeses.” I loved it! I bought one! 😀

  5. As a card carrying dieter (South Beach only) there is one thing I will not give up–extra, extra, extra sharp cheese, or any other kind my body craves. Halleluja!

  6. Stilton and Granny Smith apples…yum.

    I remember times you started pacing the house and then suddenly exclaiming, “I need cheese!” grabbing some, and looking like a kitten with cream.

  7. If the Church of Cheesus is blasphemy to some people, is the Church of Velveeta blasphemy to you?

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