Thank You for My Disguise as a Balanced Significant Person

Balancing Mind, Body, and Spirit can make you some really groovy friends and guarantee you a significant place in human evolution.

But if you are a bad juggler of these three things, you better have a good disguise or you might find yourself ousted from the enlightened elite onto the gravel road of banality.

My Mind and Body operate on separate frequencies and my Spirit often just drifts into a coma to avoid the conflicting demands of the other two.

There just isn’t any amount of crystal generated tofu magic to get me into a Yoga Posse and corral those three things together so we can invade the Pleiades with our harmonic vibrations and Astral projections.

The good thing is I look like a balanced, post-hippy-alyptic poster child for a lean, mean, peace making machine who operates on organic fuel, tree hugs, and hemp farm politics—until ya catch me slammin’ down a quart of ultra pasteurized cream in my unfair trade coffee (because it’s cheaper) and light up a smoke of the tobaccan persuasion.

Yeah, I’m a bad, unbalanced person.

You can’t really tell by looking at me, but it’s true.

My Chakras are misaligned.

I am the only long haired, Birkenstock clad, woman without make up to ever be expelled from the Health and Harmony Fair for espionage. I was apprehended at the tempeh booth, putting bacon bits in my organic herb salad.

I think that incident may have been expunged from my spiritual record because I was allowed entry into the Metaphysics Expo three years later where a Tarot card reader looked me straight in the eyes and said I would become a person of significance in the spiritual growth of others.

Ha! My disguise worked!

But I will probably never become a Spiritual Advisor, a Psychothera-Priest, or a Yoga Guru because I take cigarette breaks and I’m attached to the laws of physics which prevent me from appreciating insufficient furniture.

I also talk too much—rarely in a Tibetan tone of voice or the Enochian key of Om.

Everyone knows Jesus is allergic to smoke, Zen anti-materialism doesn’t really count if you’re just poor, and Buddha seriously dislikes a loquacious woman.

But I am thankful for this healthy, well balanced disguise.

It gets me into a lot of really spiritual places.

And folks treat me like I might be a significant part of the crowd that will be reincarnated in God’s vegetarian army against materialism and evil linguistic anarchists.


Yeah, but my Chakras are misaligned.


~ by leakelley on July 4, 2013.

6 Responses to “Thank You for My Disguise as a Balanced Significant Person”

  1. you know, it is the LOOK that matters most 🙂

  2. did you write this?

    please tell me you wrote this.

    because if you did, you just shot up like 423424656 percent in my book.

    which, do be honest, isn’t that well renowned of a book nor is it famous.

    it’s written in braille, actually.

    but you’ve moved up nonetheless!!!!

  3. Flaws are highly under rated on the charm meter.

  4. Sssshhhh! (The disguise won’t work anymore if you go around busting yourself!!!)

    But it sure seems to have been working so far…..

  5. The Tarot reader was correct.

    Your Chakras look beautiful to me, and that green one? Stunningly perfect.

  6. Where would we be but for the luv of Bubba!

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