Thank You for NOT Feelin’ Sorry For Me— I’m not a Christmas Orphan!

Oh, for cryin’ out loud, already!  Yes, I am alone at Christmas.

Yes, I am havin’  tofu chili dogs and pop tarts for the holiday!

Yes, there is no dead tree in my home, covered in precarious electrical baubles threatening to ignite so I can run toward a camera like Bruce Willis after the explosion.

Yes, I got no children jumpin’ on my bed at 6 am to tell me we had a break-in last night and they wanna open the evidence right now.

Yes, nobody is chasing me around the house, waving gingerbread men with a missing eye and foot, making scary voices from The Fly “Heeeeelp Meeee!”.

Yes, I don’t have to find my way over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house so she can point out how fat I was a child and ask me why I’m not married in front of the neighbor’s single middle aged son who works at 7-11.

Yes, I don’t have to wear one of those sweaters with Santa pasted on it because it was hand picked especially for me by an aunt who thinks I am still 10 years old and tall for my age.

Yes, I did not spend my rent money on perfume gift boxes, Whitman chocolates, and generic make up kits with twelve shades of eye shadow.

Yes, I did not go to Walmart Hell, not even once on Christmas eve because I forgot to buy something for somebody who’s name I also forgot.

Yes, I don’t have to drink nine brandy eggnogs so I can have a decent conversation about WWII with my father-in-law.

Yes, I don’t have to watch “It’s a Beautiful Life” with family members who swear we’ve only seen it twenty two times, wishing I still smoked pot.

And yes, I can see why you feel sorry for me, and thank you for calling, but really, I promise, I am okay!

Seriously, go on without me, I’ll be here when you get back, singing “Silent Night” with my usual gratitude.

Yes, all is calm….



~ by leakelley on December 24, 2012.

7 Responses to “Thank You for NOT Feelin’ Sorry For Me— I’m not a Christmas Orphan!”

  1. *smiles*

    Merry Christmas

  2. LOL 😀

    Luke 17 : 21

    “From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.” (Katharine Whitehorn)


  3. Alone at Christmas? I think not. You can’t keep your cyber friends from “breaking in” and wishing you MERRY CHRISTMAS or whatever the heck kind of Christmas you want. Consider it done.

  4. How or why would we feel sorry for ya when you are hardly alone in your observations n’ chagrin about the holidaze? Thanks for makin’ us all grin! = )

  5. Feel sorry for you? Not likely!! 🙂 Sounds A-ok to me!

  6. I get credit for not calling right?

    Hugs, and Merry Christmas, I wasn’t one bit worried about you. (But admit it, you did have a couple of cool Christmas moments with this Christmas lover.)

    your handmade ornaments are on my tree.

  7. Ditto! I live alone, very few visitors, so why should I put up a tree and decorations and cook Xmas dinner. I enjoyed Christmas at work, that was plenty enough for me! 🙂

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