Thank You for Divine Unknown Statistics

Divination: noun

The practice of seeking knowledge of the future or the unknown by supernatural means.

Folks love to explore their future and learn about themselves through various forms of card, chart, stone, body, and  psychic readings with mystic interpretations.

We love to know the unknown.

But here are a few ironic facts that Psychics will not tell you unless you specifically request statistics…

People that report out of body experiences and detachment from their physical bodies do not spend less on groceries, clothing, and other tangibles.

Economic growth impact for out of body experiences =0%

Walking the Astral plane is not like Walkin’ in Memphis. One’s feet are generally more than ten feet off the ground in the former and there are no guitars.

Odds of writing a pop country tune from the Astral Plane =0%

Odds of seeing the ghost of Elvis there: 50%

You can not see germs, microbes, or the inner activities of a colon under a Horoscope.

Medical research contributions from the invention of the Horoscope =0 %

Oracles and Mediums can’t channel spirits with laryngitis.

The odds of a spirit guide getting bronchitis correlates directly to the number of germs seen under a Horoscope— 0%.

Statistically, when a palm reader tells you that you are going to experience financial losses, she is always right.

Paying her fee proves her prophecy — 100%

Statistics for Past Life Readers telling you that you were an insignificant slob in history, instead of an Egyptian Princess = 8.7%.

I did not have to research any of these statistics.

They came to me in a dream.

~ by leakelley on January 19, 2012.

One Response to “Thank You for Divine Unknown Statistics”

  1. no psychic necessary here… i can see elvis quite clearly in the stains on the bottom of my shower curtain. should i call the national inquirer?

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