Thank You for Not Driving me Crazy

If you can drive a stick shift, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette, talk on the phone, and tune your radio, simultaneously as you fix your hair in the rear view mirror and search for a map under your passenger seat, while brushing the crumbs from an Egg Mc Muffin off your center console and maintaining the speed limit…

You are probably reading this from your laptop on your dashboard.

Hi.

I’m the lady behind you, in the Jeep Cherokee, with red hair, grasping my steering wheel with both hands, wondering if this 4×4 Jeep is tough enough to swerve around a traveling sideshow without tipping over in front of oncoming traffic.

Yep, that’s me in the corner of your rear view mirror, behind your perfect hairdo.

You probably can’t hear me, but I can hear the music coming from your car— even with that diesel truck passing us both on the left.

Can you see me in your half turned rear view mirror, with my mouth wide open, yelling at the top of my lungs?

“Hey!  Your coat is hanging from the bottom of your car door!”

I hope you are getting this on your laptop, because that looks like an expensive coat.

Oh good, you’re opening the car door with your coffee hand at 60 miles per hour.

Ah, that nice coat is tucked safely back inside the door.

Now that I know you’re reading this, here’s what I really wanted to tell you….

I like your bumper stickers…

My Other Car is a Broom

and

Jesus is My Copilot

That other car is probably going to come in handy later—for your insurance company when they sweep you off the highway.

You probably should have let Jesus hold your coffee while you were reading this.

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~ by leakelley on January 13, 2012.