Thank You for My Disposable Defects and the Substitute Teacher

I learn many of my life lessons at University in the Halls of Retrospect.

I frequently don’t quite assimilate the full impact of an experience until it is long past.

Recently I have been disposed of by a person I cherished, after five years of consistent interaction in a complex and illuminating friendship.

This friend offered a reason; “You are too difficult to get to know.”

I did not understand this statement.

My heart ached and I felt powerless to deny such an undefined accusation.

As I drove away I cried at the loss of what I had previously believed to be a genuine life long friend.

The air was so thick, you could cut it with a Lie.

Sometimes life is like one of those conversations you have with a verbal bully who catches you off guard where you lose your wit or communication skills.

Then, after you get home, while in the middle of brushing your teeth or taking off your shoes, you say to yourself, I shoulda said …or Why didn’t I… or Hey, they didn’t even…

And sometimes, something catches you so far off guard that you have to wait until a month or so has passed, and you’re in the middle of looking out your window and missing someone you thought you knew, and you say to yourself;

The only thing I shoulda done was pay more attention in class.

The Substitute Teacher

In a place where passion grows pedantic

and diatribe replaces inquiry,

I knew a man

A professor of the human condition,

An observer of his own

condition, which he pulled out of a hat

A teacher, facing the chalk board to profess to peer

at students in a tiny mirror pinned to his lapel

I knew a teacher there, in that place

where objects replaced intimacy

and honesty was merely intellect

The teacher always stood

at the head of Class

separated by demeanor from his lesson plan,

a plan left behind by a reflective professor

for a substitute teacher


~ by leakelley on October 19, 2009.

2 Responses to “Thank You for My Disposable Defects and the Substitute Teacher”

  1. Oh, I so-o-o know that ‘coulda/shoulda/woulda feeling!! I’m sorry you were hurt so deeply. 😦

  2. Difficult to know? Of course you are!

    You are EASY to get to like, but “knowing” you takes effort, as does anything in life that is worth it.

    Their loss babe.

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