Thank you for the 4 things NEVER said to a Policeman after pulling over a car for speeding…

In response to:

“DO YOU KNOW WHY I PULLED YOU OVER?”

1. No sir, I can’t read my speedometer on account of I forgot my glasses and I am just blind without them.

2. Because you smelled a martini and you think I’m pretty and you know I got donuts?

3. DON’T YOU? !!!  Well…I bet you’re gonna tell me after you figure it out and get that stick outta your @#% and muster up some moxy to do your frickin’ job so I can get on with my life and not have to look at your sorry face stuck on those boney shoulders like a popsicle without a stick which is, as I said, evidently stuck in a place that made you jump out of your patrol car to stand outside my window annoying me with questions that you don’t even have the answer to!

4. Um, Yes.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE DRIVING?”

1. Faster than you, Sucka!

2. Ain’t this Jalopy somethin’?

3. Let’s see… the speed of light multiplied by the velocity of the Dodge Caravan that I just passed divided into the windshield factor subtracted from the bald tire influence of the spectrum of highway resistance…

…approximately the speed limit? 

4. Um, Yes.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING IN SUCH A HURRY?”

1. The Liquor Store

2. Your Mama’s house

3. Let me expalain, you see, I am very late to a very special event. 

The President is counting on me to bring  those kilos of cocaine in the trunk to his party and it started twenty minutes ago! 

I’m sure that if you could just call the President, we could clear this thing up right here without any trouble. I really gotta get goin’!

4. Um… Yes?

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~ by leakelley on April 14, 2009.

4 Responses to “Thank you for the 4 things NEVER said to a Policeman after pulling over a car for speeding…”

  1. Or what about: “My lawyer in the back seat has videotaped evidence of me driving the speed-limit, officer.” 🙂

  2. OK. I think I got several of those written down on the back of my GEICO card now to be ready — just in case! 😉

  3. Or as I actually said, “Yes, I saw you behind me for the last mile, but I thought that blue light was for the fog. Don’t you guys use red lights to get people to pull over?”

  4. Huh uh hi, ossifer. You shouldn’t pu pul pullllll an air airpla airplane o uh over:

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2680363873910583146

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