Thank You for Easter Thoughts that Keep Me Awake at Night
What if they spelled it wrong and Christ actually arose from the Bed?
Do I still have to bake a ham?
The only thing in my world that’s going on an Easter egg hunt is my ovaries.
Who would dub a day of torment and crucifixion Good Friday?
If you get chocolate eggs in your basket, send somebody with better vision to the chicken coop.
Did Palm Sunday actually originate from a lonely Saturday night?
An anthropomorphic bunny that sneaks into the house and hides stuff—just plain scary, quit it.
Can you get a schleptic ulcer from dragging around emotional baggage in an Easter basket?
What used to be inside those hollow chocolate bunnies and where did it go?
If pink and yellow marshmallows made a peep, would you still eat them?
If I plant a jelly bean, will it grow into a beanstalk that I can climb to steal a golden egg from a giant? By the way, if I come back with a chocolate egg, send somebody else up the beanstalk and wash my hands.
Thank you for the origins of Easter, the feast of Eostre, the resurrection of Spring, the fertility of bunnies, and a symbolic egg bearing the seed of life.
Now I can go back to sleep.
I’ll rise again tomorrow.
But I’m not gonna bake a ham, I’ll just be one.