Thank You for the Truth About Bill
Who is Bill?
And why does he keep sending me letters?
Bill has more pen pals than anyone else in America—why does he need to write to me?
The truth is Bill is in a maximum security prison somewhere in the middle of North Dakota. He has a lot of time on his hands, so he writes to every household in the country asking for money. I think maybe Bill is a con man with a really good scam. I almost always respond to Bill with a check as though this will keep him happy and he will leave me alone.
But noo! He writes again and again and again. He writes every month! Bill is a greedy man.
His letters are not even interesting.
He never asks about my family, never says anything funny, never tells me what he’s been up to, doesn’t even write his letters by hand—Bill is not a personable guy!
I don’t think Bill and I would get along very well if we met in person. It’s probably best that I just send him money so he doesn’t escape and show up at my door while I’m in the middle of dinner someday.
I keep hoping some other prisoner at Bill’s facility will pick a fight with him so the guards will put Bill in solitary confinement and take away his writing privileges. I guess Bill is a slippery fellow, and stays out of trouble, because his letters keep coming.
I’ve heard stories about people who tried to ignore Bill. Bill has friends on the outside who have access to a lot of free minutes on their cell phones. Bill’s friends call people and threaten them if they don’t send Bill money.
I think he gives his phone friends a share of the take.
I have never met a single person who said they like Bill. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how he keeps this scam going.
But if Bill doesn’t send me a Christmas card this year with something personal written on it, I’m cutting him off! I mean it! I just don’t have time in my life for people like Bill. Bill is not my friend.
~ by leakelley on December 1, 2008.
Posted in bill collectors, Bills, corporatism, credit, culture, economy, fictional lives, Funny, humor, Life, mafia, metaphor, money, people, the mob
Tags: credit, culture, economy, Funny, humor, Life, metaphor, people