Thank You for Cruelty Free Honesty

 

There is a difference between Truthful and Honest.

I consider myself a truthful person, but lately I am thinking maybe I am not honest enough.

Honesty can have ramifications for the person who displays it.

Honesty to others, and to oneself (without self deception) is more complicated than one would think.

It is defined as the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value. 

Superficially, honesty simply means stating facts and views as best as one believes them to be, including one’s own motives and inner reality.

Ah, the motives, the inner reality. That must be the complicated part.

Sometimes I am not clear about my own motives, and often I can be completely baffled by inner reality. (including what inner reality means)

I have knee jerk reactions, gut instincts, emotional triggers, and all manner of discomfort which I try to avoid when communicating honestly with others. 

I have been told at different times that I withhold truth or that I am not up front with certain information or that I don’t express my own needs and feelings often or clearly enough.

This may sound like some kind of cliché that is imposed on a husband by a wife in the throws of PMS while he is watching the big game on TV.

But these accusations have me wondering why I am perceived in this way at times, as well as what my responsibility may be in this. 

I don’t even watch football and I ain’t nobody’s emotionally slothful husband neither.

It is a general assumption of mine that everything I think or feel is not necessarily fascinating to the spectator or significant to the lives of anyone in my outer reality.  Sometimes my feelings and needs are malleable, adaptable, or ambiguous.

Sometimes I don’t even know if my inner reality is worth manifesting into a tangible outgrowth for harvesting.

I may be deceiving myself but it is not my intent to deceive anyone else in that process. 

Okay, that last sentence is a lie.

I wish to deceive you all.

I wish to represent myself in a manner that keeps with the mythology I have constructed to make me feel safe and sound, avoid rejection of my inner most needs, keep me from being vulnerable to judgments, abandonment, violent emotional attacks upon my person, and especially  confronting the truth that I may be completely insignificant.

I am hiding here in the the dark corners of my social fears, crouching like a swamp thing or Phantom of the Opera.

And another thing: Those pants make your ass look huge!

Wow that felt so honest.

How do ya like me now? 

How ‘bout that drama?  How ‘bout that wide open emotional honesty?

Are we all intimate now?

PS  There were no animals harmed in the making of this blog.

PSS Anyone know of a good honest therapist?

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~ by leakelley on September 20, 2008.

One Response to “Thank You for Cruelty Free Honesty”

  1. lol

    honesty takes guts. this post was pretty gutsy. Love the humor.

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