Thank You for The Secret Life of Pants

Remember when girls were not allowed to where pants to school?

If you walked to elementary school in Northern Michigan, this was just plain cruel during the month of January.

We’ve come a long way, Baby! (Thank you Katherine Hepburn.)

And so have Pants!

Our slacks, our breeches, our trousers have evolved to accommodate our need to work in factories, on ranches, and in the harassment laden work place of the female executive.

Now who’s wearing the pants? Ha! 

In the same vein of social flexibility, for men, we have had the Sarong, the Kilt, the Cassock, the Fustanella, (Greek) and other garments that did not hold the secret lives of pants.

Quite frankly, I prefer keeping the secret under wraps. It just seems more hygienic when one is sporting an outie instead of an innie.

But I suppose I am not so evolved with appreciation for the man skirt. 

My associations with skirts are limited to elementary school pneumonia and hippies squatting in the woods.

There are plenty of good reasons to wear skirts but fashion trends and social repression is not two of them.

We have definitely progressed into a conveniently attired culture with the advent of pants and denim but I still have one tiny complaint… 

You know those young fellows who wear their breeches around their thighs to display their boxer shorts, forcing them to walk like ducks with their feet apart instead of investing in a belt? You know, the tragically hip displayers of the tragic hips and a frequent smile from the wrong end of the schtick?

Well.. That’s just Butt Ugly!


~ by leakelley on September 10, 2008.

2 Responses to “Thank You for The Secret Life of Pants”

  1. I went to Catholic school for 4 years. I most certainly remember those cold days freezing my girlie bits off in my itchy poly-blend dress and how desperate I felt trying to keep the northern wind from frost-biting my ass. I was always jealous of the boys because they could wear pants.

    I laughed when I saw you last paragraph about fellows and their breeches – I recently wrote about the same phenomenon at

    Say no to public displays of ass crack!! LOL

  2. You brought back a memory.

    All of my skirts were deemed too short. A stand-off ensued. After being sent home in every dress or skirt I owned (obviously, the issues went deeper than that, heh) I simply stayed home. The school kept calling, and I kept telling them I was looking for something to wear that they hadn’t already rejected.

    I had no money for new clothes, my mom, recognizing the look in my eyes, (end of my rope stubborn/mad/fuck ’em look, even though I acted exceedingly polite and desperate on the phone each time they called, with my chirpy, “I am still looking!”) told them that if they wanted me to wear something else, they could buy it for me, she could barely put food on the table.

    First girl to be allowed to wear jeans to school! They made up some excuse like I was on the stage crew.

    Oh for the days when battles against the machine were so easily won….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: