Thank you for All the Men I have Married and Loved

It is quite the joke in my circle that I have competed with Liz Taylor in the realm of matrimony. “Always a bride, never a bride’s maid”.

I must admit, my dreams as a little girl did not include more than one wedding, joining the Mormon church, or being considered for sainthood as “The Holy Mother of Husbandry” .

I never saw a future that included five wedding rings and a couple of engagement rings in between.

HA! Horde of the Rings!

I don’t know exactly how or why I have been married so many times but I am thankful for each and every one of the men that I have loved and the unique reasons that I have loved them.

They have contributed to my own healing and a lot of my experiential education in the human understanding department at the University of Relationship Theory.

I realize one can love without the “Bonds” of matrimony but somehow, a potential marriage arose out of nearly every pair o’ lips I kissed.

If I think about it, talk to a couple of therapists, and send out some statistical questionnaires, I’m sure I could actually come up with all the reasons  “I do”  has been a mantra in my life…

But quite frankly, it doesn’t really matter to me anymore.

I am beyond the age of reason at this point.

I am not beyond appreciation though.

I am thankful for the magic, the struggles, the talking, the pain, the misunderstandings, the acceptance, the tiny fissures in my heart that are proof it has loved, and all the laughter, innocence, weariness, poetry, music, art, and evolution that has come from loving  some very special men as though I could love them forever.

If I eliminate the legalities, the religious/spiritual connotations, the social pressures , and the tribal expectations, in a much more honest way,

I do.

Still.

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~ by leakelley on March 22, 2008.