Thank you for 0% interest and low APR (Appointed Personal Response)

My friend just had her heart stomped on.

Life (and love) is like a credit card account—and of course a box o’ chocolates (both include a little mystery about what you’re gonna get).
You can take your time and spend your time but inevitably there’s a point when ya either gotta pay up, (some times you can’t even remember what you were originally invested in) or you gotta eat the chocolate you didn’t really want on account of you already poked your finger into it.
One escape clause is bankruptcy—emotional or otherwise.
Another is to stash the dreaded chocolate in a napkin and never speak of it again (that will come back to haunt you when you do the proverbial laundry).

But I think there are better options.

My pals and I have invested in some pretty emotionally expensive relationships. These relationships come with all manner of fine print that we don’t read when we are in the throws of passion and idealistic romance or stages of infatuation.
I always seem to bounce back from such relationships by the skin of my heart’s teeth, with the support of others who know what love can cost if it is not invested wisely. It is yet another thing to be thankful for.
Usually the bouncing back entails long talks, arduous over analysis, and devising new rules for interacting with sociopaths, narcissists, and forty-something juveniles in the future.

Some of the rules (as an option to emotional bankruptcy):
#1. Yo-Yo is a phrase for rappers and hip hop celebrities, not the state of a woman’s emotional elasticity and tolerance levels. Cut the string with big sharp scissors.
#2. When a man says he wants to try living with you, look at his house first. If his house is a pick up truck or a Buick, the little credit card machine should light up and say “declined”.
#3. If a man tells you how much he adores the conversations between the two of you, reflect on the topics. If you have discovered every detail about how wonderful he is and he still doesn’t know you love candy, just say “yeah, me too.” and go back to the pub you found him in to look for a higher interest rate.
#4. If a man tells you the reason he never married (and he’s over 50) was because he’s always been so in love with you and nobody else would do, KNOW THIS!! You just won’t do either because his APR (see headline of blog) is far too variable.
#5. When you find yourself emotionally over extended and you’re not getting the deal you should because you have excellent credit, shop around and find a relationship credit card that offers you the security and benefits you need in exchange for a reasonable investment.
It should probably be one that has a fair interest rate and an appropriate APR.
And it should definitely come with a promotional box of chocolates!

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~ by leakelley on October 15, 2007.

2 Responses to “Thank you for 0% interest and low APR (Appointed Personal Response)”

  1. Can I just say, “no shit!” I have not often found myself in these same situations, having been married for a long time(again), but I think I would opt for the lower interest rates. I would, however, go for the chocolates. Endorphines can’t be bad, no matter the relationship quotient.

    Love you, LeaKel. L.

  2. …and I thought my credit his-story was unique… HAH! Thanks for keeping it in perspective…

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